Friendship and Forgiveness

Introduction

In Consolations, Whyte (2019) argues that friendship is “a testament to forgiveness” and that its “ultimate touchstone is witness”. In this post, I argue that if I desire the good of witness, then I must forgive.

Friendship and Forgiveness

There is no friendship without forgiveness. In other words, I can sustain a friendship with an individual only if I forgive him or her. If I do not forgive him or her, then I cannot sustain a friendship with the individual:

“Friendship […] can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us for our trespasses […] All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die.”

Friendship and Witness

There is no witness without friendship. In other words, I have both “the privilege of having been seen” by an individual and “the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence” of him or her only if I sustain a friendship with the individual. If I do not sustain a friendship with him or her, then I do not have both privileges:

“But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long, close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self: the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”

Witness and Forgiveness

Because there is no friendship without forgiveness, and there is no witness without friendship, there is no witness without forgiveness. In other words, I have both “the privilege of having been seen” by an individual and “the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence” of him or her only if I forgive the individual. If I do not forgive him or her, then I do not have both privileges.

Conclusion

If I desire both “the privilege of having been seen” by an individual and “the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence” of him or her, then I should forgive the individual. If I do not forgive him or her, then I lose both privileges. In short, I should be a friend:

“In the course of the years, a close friendship will always reveal the shadow in the other as much as ourselves; to remain as friends we must know the other and their difficulties, and even their sins, and encourage the best in them, not through critique but through addressing the better part of them, the leading creative edge of their incarnation, thus subtly discouraging what makes them smaller, less generous, less of themselves.”