A Guide to the Nature of Jealousy

I get jealous; and I think that we all do. The experience of anger, anxiousness, sadness and shame in response to our partners’ real or imagined attraction to an other is one that all humans go through, although to various degrees. In this post, I meditate on the nature of jealousy.

Jealousy is a set of cognitive, emotional and behavioural responses to a valued partner’s actual or anticipated interest in or relationship with another person. Parker, Low, Walker & Gamm (2005) define jealousy as “a cognitive, emotional and behavioural reaction triggered by a valued partner’s actual or anticipated interest in or relationship with another person” (p. 235). White (1999) also defines jealousy as “a complex of thoughts, emotions and actions that follows the loss of, or threat to, self-esteem and/or the existence or quality of the romantic relationship […] generated by the perception of a real or potential romantic attraction between one’s partner and a rival” (p. 472).

These definitions, among others mentioned below, suggest that if an individual (A) is jealous of an individual (B) over a good (G), then

A desires G;
A possesses G;
A believes that either B possesses G or B will possess G; and
A believes that if B possesses G, then A will not possess G.

First, if A is jealous of B over G, then A desires G. This is implied in the phrase “valued partner” (White, 1999, p. 472). If an individual values his partner, then he desires his partner. A corollary to this proposition is that desire is a root of jealousy. If A does not desire G, then A will not be jealous of B over G.

Second, if A is jealous of B over G, then A possesses G. This is implied in the word “loss” (White, 1999, p. 472). This is also expressed in the sentence “the potentially jealous person perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least having it altered in an undesirable manner” (Guerrero and Andersen, 1998, p. 36). If an individual loses his “self-esteem and/or the existence or quality of the romantic relationship” (White, 1999, p. 472) or “a valued relationship” (Guerrero and Andersen, 1998, p. 36), then he must have had possessed it.

Third, if A is jealous of B over G, then A believes that either B possesses G or B will possess G. This is expressed in the phrase “actual or anticipated” and “real or potential” (White, 1999, p. 472).

Last, if A is jealous of B over G, then A believes that if B possesses G, then A will not possess G. This is implied in the word “threat” (White, 1999, p. 472) and the sentence “jealousy involves a threat to a desired, pre-existing relational state” (Guerrero and Andersen, 1998, p. 36). If an individual views the “romantic attraction between one’s partner and a rival” as a “threat” (White, 1999, p. 472), then he believes that if a rival possesses his partner’s romantic attraction, then he will not possess it.

References

Guerrero, L. K., & Andersen, P. A. (1998). The dark side of jealousy and envy: Desire, delusion, desperation, and destructive communication. In B. H. Spitzberg & W. R. Cupach (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships (pp. 33–70). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Parker, J. G., Low, C. M., Walker, A. R., & Gamm, B. K. (2005). Friendship jealousy in young adolescents: individual differences and links to sex, self-esteem, aggression, and social adjustment. Developmental psychology, 41(1), 235.

White, G. L. (1999). Jealousy and problems of commitment. In Handbook of interpersonal commitment and relationship stability (pp. 471-480). Springer, Boston, MA.