Love as Commitment

Love is a commitment. Individuals who embark on romantic relationships consciously dedicate their energies towards the object(s) of their affections; the individual who chooses to commit to his or her beloved assumes a set of responsibilities or vows towards the recipient(s) of his or her love. And while these responsibilities may vary across human populations and across time periods, the phenomenon that love entails any form of commitment at all appears to remain constant across both cultural groups and across time. A father may commit himself to ensuring the safety of his family; a mother may devote herself to the nurturing of her child into an upright citizen; an elder sibling may take it upon him- or herself to protect his or her younger sibling(s) in school; a romantic partner chooses to remain faithful to his or her lover; the religious dedicate their energies towards the understanding of the scripture(s).

However, love is more than just a commitment to the object(s) of our passions. What I personally find fascinating about love, and what I often overlook, is that any commitment to love someone or something is, first and foremost, a commitment to the very act of love itself. At that very instant during which we make the conscious decision to devote part, if not all, of our lives toward a particular someone or something, we throw ourselves into the state of being in love, and expose ourselves to all the experiences that follow from the very being in such a state. If love is selfish, then we open ourselves to jealousy; if love can hurt, then we expose ourselves to the possibility of pain; and if love is transient, then we leave ourselves unprotected from the agony of loss. But love – too – can be selfless, and so we open ourselves to one of the best of human virtues; love can heal, and so we expose our wounds to what is medicine to the soul; and because love is transcendent, we get to catch a glimpse of the eternity.

To love someone or something is to love at all, and to love at all is to open ourselves to both the positive and negative experiences that stem from love itself. To choose to love someone or something is to choose to love, and to choose to love is to choose even the most unpleasant circumstances that may arise from this choice. The individual who avoids these sufferings pushes love away, while the individual who runs toward love has chosen them.

Love is a commitment not only to the object(s) of our love, but also to the experiences that are necessary to the state of being in love itself. And if love were necessary for our human existence, then one cannot claim to have truly lived without having chosen to open themselves completely to these experiences, however painful they may be. For even if we find it difficult to accept a life that fails to transcend the imperfection of love, the key to transcending this life may very well lay hidden in the acceptance of love itself.